Lunar New Year

It’s the new year again and it feels like nothing has changed maybe the thoughts in my head. As we grow up, meet new people, come up with new goals and gain new perspectives, what remains constant is our nature. If my nature ever change, I hope it’s for the better.

There are many aspects in life I wish to work on, but to wish upon the stars won’t make your dreams come true. You gotta get your ass off the sofa, be self-disciplined and make it happen. Surround yourself with positive people – it’s important. 

Time to go.

7pm

If

it is meant to be, it will be.

– many people believe in this unquestionable saying. It dawned on me about the train of thought when you tell yourself ‘it is not meant to be‘ (when someone breaks your heart or shit just happens).

This mindset is driven by your unmet expectations or people giving you the wrong signals. As much as the notions are misinterpreted, it boils down to your ability to read people (my weakness) and the amount of trust given to your heart.

Turning 20 and still growing, I believe the experience you go through will inculcate you with wise decision making (to relive a certain experience or abstain from it, forever). And that is your choice.

The experience you go through is your choice.

I was delusional to think that my relationship was on the right track when the cracks began to surface. He will say ‘you are being delusional.’ And I would not listen to him – not that I chose not to but I could not.

It was only after the breakup had I realised I was trapped in my own world. The negative thoughts in my head were hard to resist and control, and I was completely torn apart. I feel sorry for the once everlasting relationship to slowly fall to pieces but for you to save me it was meant to fall.

Now that I am single, I start to realise the importance of individuality because for a couple to love and depend on each other, it is the differences which bind and make us interesting.

Last night, we sat together in the movie theatre but I am uncertain if he will be the one by my side as the day goes by.

I asked myself, ‘is this meant to be?’ Now I belong to the few of many.

Are you dating?

Dear Tuesday,

I know you cannot wait to vanish into thin air and let me wait for 7 days before you return. You remind me of the friends I meet on dating platforms – where we can get along for one good day before you disappear for (more than) 7 days.

It has never been easy forging new friendships especially in this community where looks is the priority. We cannot help because that is the way human nature functions – so I have learnt to live with it. The purpose of this post is to break down my jumbled thoughts and pen them in this screen of four walls.

I used to fall for guys whom I thought were decent at first but to realise I was superficial too (human nature). The truth is obvious because I have barely known the person and it was insane for me to fall in love so quickly. I fall hard and fell too deep to the point I could not save myself. I would think about the guy I like all day and my precious time just flew by idling.

The lesson I have learnt is that you should never get caught up in someone without understanding who he really is (his character, personality, attitude towards you, circle of friends and perhaps horoscope). Remind yourself to keep an open mind and come to realise he is not everything because you are trapped in your own world.

You brought the good and bad upon yourself.

You are holding the key. Your decision to unlock the door and escape from this illusion (or stay and continue being delusional) is clearly up to you. So, I told myself to escape and never lock myself in this room of doom.

Let us welcome Wednesday.